i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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