Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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