its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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