I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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