I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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