We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit