how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dating After Heartbreak
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.