We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves