All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's the barista slut.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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