you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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