How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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