Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
