i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
