On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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