I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
