I'm eating all of the evidence.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize