Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.