Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Boobs speak an international language.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My vagina is officially offended.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me