3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
