Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
