marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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