therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
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Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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