I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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