I want to have your abortion
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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