so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
