Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
