I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
