He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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