There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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