No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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