How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
