Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
