I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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