I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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