so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
