I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
