thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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