There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
