i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
