I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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