Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
