Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
