Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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