dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
