i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we should paint friendship bongs
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