I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I did not marry a roomba.
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