You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize