Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
