I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
