I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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