Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
