yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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