Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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