So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
